Never. No more.

 Never. No more.

  No possibilities. The End. No potential.


				For her:

No new books to read.

No more beaded necklaces to look at.

No more stirring the hot fudge
	and ice cream
	and cake together 
	at Big Boy
	into 'soup'

				For me:

No more anticipating what kind 
	of teenager she was 
	growing up into

No more wondering if any
	boys would date her --
	that is, would they brave
	the beauty (the first
	obstacle) then,
	would they accept
	the challenge of an
	equal or a better
	(the second obstacle)
	then, would they be
	interesting to her (the
	third obstacle)

No more trying to get her 
	to come stroll around 
	downtown Ann Arbor with
	dad and little sister

No more kicking my own 
	disorganized ass when
	she says 'you forgot to
	give me my allowance for
	three weeks' when 
	she wants to buy some
	piece of junk for $2.95
	and I'm wanting to teach
	her to 'save up for it'

No more buying a kid's meal 
	and a fish sandwich knowing
	she'll talk me into letting
	her eat my fish sandwich

No more watching the indulgent,
	sometimes concerned, sometimes
	sympathetic look on her face
	when I try and sing the
	high notes in 'Long
	Time Love Song' ("I long
	to feel that sail leaping
	in the wind")

No more sitting at the foot
	of her bed singing while
	Lisa says 'sit on my bed

No more checking all the time
	in case Shel Silverstein
	brings out a new book that
	I could buy to surprise her

No more walking by her room
	at night and deciding too
	damned often to go by
	rather than go in and
	snuggle up in bed behind
	her for five or ten minutes.

				For her:

No more "Dad, was John the
	Beatle who died?"

No enjoying the new bike,
	bought after the van was
	hit last time only a
	few weeks before

No more sleepovers

No learning about sex

No wearing the outfit she'd picked for
	the first day of school

No watching mom and dad
	holding hands

No teenaged girls sleepovers

No getting up at 2 a.m. to breast
	feed a crying infant

No deciding on 'this job I 
	love or that one that
	pays the bills?'

No first date

No first breakup

No sweating the question "will
	he get up the nerve to 
	ask me to marry him or
	will I have to ask?"	

				For me:

No laying on the grass watching
	the stars and wondering
	if she's going to ask me
	about lingerie ads

No more looking into those
	green blue gray eyes and
	wondering how we were so
	lucky and blessed to bring
	this beautiful human being
	into the world

No more peaceful days

No more peaceful nights

No driving her to her college
	dorm and helping her
	settle in

No more wondering if there's any
	way we can help her along
	once she actually figures 
	out what she wants to do
	with her life

No more listening to the lyrics
	of the music she likes to
	try and help her come to 
	terms with it

No more anything.
No more anything.

No more anything.

No more anything.

No more anything. No more anyt
hing. No more anything.

No more anything.

	- September, 1998